you’re in the habit of denying yourself things.
if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.
but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren’t raised rich. you don’t get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don’t spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn’t that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?
what’s wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you’d fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it’s for you, so you need to justify it.
and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don’t finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn’t, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there’s other stuff going on.
you do self-care, of course. but you don’t do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can’t live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.
so you don’t buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you’re not spoiled.
it’s just - it’s not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can’t even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.
sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn’t get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you’re so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.
oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you’d make a cake.
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#The best thing about Barbie (2023) is probably Ryan Gosling who method acted too hard
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what kind of music do you all think Rikki likes? 🎶
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Sick and tired of funny internet men.
Tired of internet men.
Tired of men.
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And so, at the end of the day Matt Watson is just another Man™ who’d rather protect his own reputation over the safety of his friend.
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ALT
ALT
ALT
ALT
ALTthis fucks
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RYAN GOSLING
“I wouldn’t dare Ken-splain the Barbie movie.”
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I can’t stop thinking about how perfectly Barbie portrays girlhood and growing up… How you’re born in a perfect pink world, where you make the rules and get to prioritise whimsies and friendship and beauty, and then you notice something has changed, you discover that something is wrong with you, and you’re offered an illusion of choice, but even if you’d rather keep wearing your heels and go home and be safe and comfortable, you have to choose the Birkenstock, you have to leave your home, you have to grow up. So you’re thrust into this gritty, unfeeling world, where you’re scrutinised and suppressed, where you want to disappear into yourself, because everything is harsh and big and you are tiny and fragile and inadequate. And as overwhelming and impossible as it seems, you survive it. You find truth in the things you believed in when you were young, the inherent good in humanity, connection and love; your friends who look at you while you are crying, and tell you that they cannot imagine what it is that you do not like about yourself.
